When the follow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?' the man asked.
"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
Source: ajokeaday.com
At an international medical conference, and American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.”
“I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria.”
“We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
Three Antartians were going on a hunting trip one day.
They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said, "No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!"
They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway.
After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them.
They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees.
The driver, who was a farmer, said, "I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?"
The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?"
The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said, "Whooo Whooo [like an owl]."
The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone.
The farmer looked up in the next tree and said, "Who's up there?"
The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."
Source: ajokeaday.com
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
Source: ajokeaday.com
“Is there anything wrong?” asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink.
“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars” said the man.
“That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the bartender. “It should happen to me.”
“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.”
“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?” Asked the bartender.
“This month – so far – not a cent.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
A man found a brass lamp, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."
Source: ajokeaday.com
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.
He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Source: ajokeaday.com
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Source: ajokeaday.com
A man gets this real fast sports car and hes is flying down the road at about 80 mph.
After a couple miles a cop pulls out on to the road and turns on his siren.
The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket.
The officer comes up to his car and says "I have been waiting for you all day".
The man says "Well I got here as fast I could".
Source: ajokeaday.com
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make Sure The Captain Is Aboard Before Getting Under Way."
Source: ajokeaday.com
