Hi found this post on facebook, sorry couldn't get the link to post the source, thought I'd share with the viewers
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
Motel Currency
When the follow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?' the man asked.
"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
Source: ajokeaday.com
"Do you take children?' the man asked.
"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Doctor Problems
At an international medical conference, and American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.”
“I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria.”
“We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.”
“I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria.”
“We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
The jig is up!
Three Antartians were going on a hunting trip one day.
They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said, "No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!"
They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway.
After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them.
They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees.
The driver, who was a farmer, said, "I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?"
The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?"
The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said, "Whooo Whooo [like an owl]."
The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone.
The farmer looked up in the next tree and said, "Who's up there?"
The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."
Source: ajokeaday.com
They came to a high fence and saw a sign that said, "No Trespassing. All violators will be shot!"
They ignored the sign's warning and climbed the fence anyway.
After they were over the fence (it was dark now), they saw a car's headlights speeding toward them.
They remembered the sign's warning and scrambled up separate trees.
The driver, who was a farmer, said, "I know I saw someone climb one of these trees." He went to the first tree and yelled, "Who's up there?"
The first man was very silent and the farmer moved to the next tree. Again he yelled, "Who's up there?"
The second man knew that the farmer would take a closer look this time, so he said, "Whooo Whooo [like an owl]."
The farmer then went to the last tree thinking he could have made a mistake and did not see anyone.
The farmer looked up in the next tree and said, "Who's up there?"
The third man then said confidently, "Mooooooooooooooo."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Gators in dem waters!
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
Source: ajokeaday.com
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Is There Anything Wrong?
“Is there anything wrong?” asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink.
“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars” said the man.
“That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the bartender. “It should happen to me.”
“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.”
“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?” Asked the bartender.
“This month – so far – not a cent.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
“Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars” said the man.
“That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the bartender. “It should happen to me.”
“Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.”
“So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?” Asked the bartender.
“This month – so far – not a cent.”
Source: ajokeaday.com
I Want..
A man found a brass lamp, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."
Source: ajokeaday.com
"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Aerial Photography
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.
He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Source: ajokeaday.com
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.
He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Source: ajokeaday.com
Q & A..
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Source: ajokeaday.com
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Source: ajokeaday.com
Traffic Stop
A man gets this real fast sports car and hes is flying down the road at about 80 mph.
After a couple miles a cop pulls out on to the road and turns on his siren.
The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket.
The officer comes up to his car and says "I have been waiting for you all day".
The man says "Well I got here as fast I could".
Source: ajokeaday.com
After a couple miles a cop pulls out on to the road and turns on his siren.
The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket.
The officer comes up to his car and says "I have been waiting for you all day".
The man says "Well I got here as fast I could".
Source: ajokeaday.com
New Port Record
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make Sure The Captain Is Aboard Before Getting Under Way."
Source: ajokeaday.com
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make Sure The Captain Is Aboard Before Getting Under Way."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Monday, 13 July 2015
T.V. Lessons
Things learned from TV:
All crimes are solved in 1 hour.
The Good guy always wins.
When you’re trapped, you always find a way out.
A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds.
All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning.
When you’re a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire.
Source: ajokeaday.com
All crimes are solved in 1 hour.
The Good guy always wins.
When you’re trapped, you always find a way out.
A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds.
All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning.
When you’re a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire.
Source: ajokeaday.com
Only In America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Source: ajokeaday.com
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Source: ajokeaday.com
Safety First
A man got in a taxi cab to be driven to work.
They were about to turn a corner, but had to wait for the light.
The taxi cab driver wasn’t sure his blinkers were working so he said to the man "will you look out the window and make sure my blinkers are working?"
As requested, the man stuck his head out the window and responded..
"yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."
Source: ajokeaday.com
They were about to turn a corner, but had to wait for the light.
The taxi cab driver wasn’t sure his blinkers were working so he said to the man "will you look out the window and make sure my blinkers are working?"
As requested, the man stuck his head out the window and responded..
"yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."
Source: ajokeaday.com
Problem at the Movies
In a darken theater where the suspenseful mystery story was being staged, a member of the audience suddenly stood up and cried, “Where is the murdered?”
A threatening voice behind her replied, “Right in back of you, if you don’t sit down!”
Source: ajokeaday.com
A threatening voice behind her replied, “Right in back of you, if you don’t sit down!”
Source: ajokeaday.com
Warren Buffett’s 10 Inspiring Tips For Young People
Advice from One of the World’s Wealthiest Men…and Wisest
I know the article title mentions these tips are for “young people,” but hey, I did not realize the value of self-development until I was in my late twenties and early thirties. Imagine right now you have received a special meeting with Warren Buffett. Here are ten things he would tell you, to help you improve yourself, give yourself better opportunities for success in the future, or just light a fire under your rear-end to get you motivated.
Invest in “you” before anyone else.
Listen, you will probably hear everyone around you telling you to begin investing early. That’s a sweet story and marginal advice, at best. Do you want to know how fast those investments can disappear? Quicker than it took you to read these words. Gone. Nothing to show for it all. Invest in yourself. Am I suggesting you bury yourself in debt to student loans before you are 21 years old? Absolutely not. In our current age of internet accessibility, you can learn practically anything you want to, as quick as you want to. Find your passion, invest in yourself through gaining wisdom, knowledge, and never, ever, stop learning.
I know the article title mentions these tips are for “young people,” but hey, I did not realize the value of self-development until I was in my late twenties and early thirties. Imagine right now you have received a special meeting with Warren Buffett. Here are ten things he would tell you, to help you improve yourself, give yourself better opportunities for success in the future, or just light a fire under your rear-end to get you motivated.
Invest in “you” before anyone else.
Listen, you will probably hear everyone around you telling you to begin investing early. That’s a sweet story and marginal advice, at best. Do you want to know how fast those investments can disappear? Quicker than it took you to read these words. Gone. Nothing to show for it all. Invest in yourself. Am I suggesting you bury yourself in debt to student loans before you are 21 years old? Absolutely not. In our current age of internet accessibility, you can learn practically anything you want to, as quick as you want to. Find your passion, invest in yourself through gaining wisdom, knowledge, and never, ever, stop learning.
Break your bad habits early.
What is one habit you need to ditch, right now? For me, looking back, it was spending habits. They were worse than bad. Beyond horrible. As a teenager and young adult I would spend before I had, and borrow to spend more. Break your bad habits early. You do not want to learn every life lesson the hard way.
Know your strengths.
“You don’t have to be an expert on everything, but knowing where the perimeter of that circle of what you know and what you don’t know is, and staying inside of it is all important,” Warren Buffett said. Understanding how you are created, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are, is one of the most important things you need to know, immediately.
Do what you love.
Warren Buffett once said, “Work at a job you love.” Why would a billionaire say this? I believe it is because he understands nothing can bring you happiness if you spend your life in misery.
Never risk the important for the unnecessary.
When you have all of your necessities, do not go out and risk it all for a temporary moment of pleasure, or from a fit of rage. Use good judgement. Use common sense. This seems to be rare these days.
Don’t pass up good opportunities.
Sometimes good opportunities come along and we do not realize them. Sometimes, good opportunities require hard work and we ignore it. Don’t pass up a good opportunity when it makes you uncomfortable. Most of the time these opportunities will make you a little uncomfortable.
Tick-tock, protect your clock.
The sooner you realize your time is your most valuable asset, the sooner you will begin to protect your time. Listen, you should learn as much as you can about time management, now! Once you manage your time, no, once you master your time, you will be unstoppable. Master your time. Keep an agenda. Protect the clock.
Avoid credit cards.
Seriously. Avoid credit cards. If you take the bait early on, you will find yourself being a slave to a rapidly growing slave-master of debt. Learn to live and pay with cash. If you don’t have the cash, don’t charge it. Learn the self-disciplines and self-control necessary to master your money early in life.
Be kind.
Kindness is one of the lost arts of our society. Love others. Do we always agree? Of course not. Does this mean we have permission to be raving jerks? Nope. Learn kindness, learn it early, use it often.
What is one habit you need to ditch, right now? For me, looking back, it was spending habits. They were worse than bad. Beyond horrible. As a teenager and young adult I would spend before I had, and borrow to spend more. Break your bad habits early. You do not want to learn every life lesson the hard way.
Hire a mentor.
Finding someone you admire is cute. Many people have their “role models”, there is not anything wrong with this. Find an influence in your particular area of interest, find someone to mentor you. Don’t be a taker all the time from them either. Your mentor, if you are lucky enough to find someone to pour into you, is there to help you, give back to them, or you won’t have them long.
Finding someone you admire is cute. Many people have their “role models”, there is not anything wrong with this. Find an influence in your particular area of interest, find someone to mentor you. Don’t be a taker all the time from them either. Your mentor, if you are lucky enough to find someone to pour into you, is there to help you, give back to them, or you won’t have them long.
Know your strengths.
“You don’t have to be an expert on everything, but knowing where the perimeter of that circle of what you know and what you don’t know is, and staying inside of it is all important,” Warren Buffett said. Understanding how you are created, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are, is one of the most important things you need to know, immediately.
Do what you love.
Warren Buffett once said, “Work at a job you love.” Why would a billionaire say this? I believe it is because he understands nothing can bring you happiness if you spend your life in misery.
Never risk the important for the unnecessary.
When you have all of your necessities, do not go out and risk it all for a temporary moment of pleasure, or from a fit of rage. Use good judgement. Use common sense. This seems to be rare these days.
Don’t pass up good opportunities.
Sometimes good opportunities come along and we do not realize them. Sometimes, good opportunities require hard work and we ignore it. Don’t pass up a good opportunity when it makes you uncomfortable. Most of the time these opportunities will make you a little uncomfortable.
Tick-tock, protect your clock.
The sooner you realize your time is your most valuable asset, the sooner you will begin to protect your time. Listen, you should learn as much as you can about time management, now! Once you manage your time, no, once you master your time, you will be unstoppable. Master your time. Keep an agenda. Protect the clock.
Avoid credit cards.
Seriously. Avoid credit cards. If you take the bait early on, you will find yourself being a slave to a rapidly growing slave-master of debt. Learn to live and pay with cash. If you don’t have the cash, don’t charge it. Learn the self-disciplines and self-control necessary to master your money early in life.
Be kind.
Kindness is one of the lost arts of our society. Love others. Do we always agree? Of course not. Does this mean we have permission to be raving jerks? Nope. Learn kindness, learn it early, use it often.
Tuesday, 26 May 2015
Vocabulary Confusion
A very intelligent boy was fortunate enough to be receiving a far better education than his parents had enjoyed, and his vocabulary far outstripped theirs. One day he came home from school and said “Mommy, may I relate to you a narrative?”
“What’s a narrative, Gerald?” she asked.
“A narrative, Mommy, is a tale.”
“Oh, I see,” said his mother nodding, and Gerald told her his story. At bedtime as he was about to go upstairs he said, “Shall I extinguish the light Mommy?”
“What’s extinguish?” she asked.
“Extinguish means to put out, Mommy,” said brainy Gerald
“Oh, I see. Yes, certainly.”
The next day the clergyman came to tea and the family dog began to make a nuisance of himself, as a dog will, by begging for goodies from the table.
“Gerald,” said his mother, trying to impress
“Take that dog by the narrative and extinguish him!”
Source: ajokeaday.com
“What’s a narrative, Gerald?” she asked.
“A narrative, Mommy, is a tale.”
“Oh, I see,” said his mother nodding, and Gerald told her his story. At bedtime as he was about to go upstairs he said, “Shall I extinguish the light Mommy?”
“What’s extinguish?” she asked.
“Extinguish means to put out, Mommy,” said brainy Gerald
“Oh, I see. Yes, certainly.”
The next day the clergyman came to tea and the family dog began to make a nuisance of himself, as a dog will, by begging for goodies from the table.
“Gerald,” said his mother, trying to impress
“Take that dog by the narrative and extinguish him!”
Source: ajokeaday.com
Monday, 18 May 2015
20-things-you-didnt-know-about-batman
1. There’s a city called “Batman” in Turkey.
We don’t know whether the superhero resides there or not, but the place is beautiful.
2. Batman fought ebola in the 90’s and Robin almost died.
Even superheroes should practice proper hygiene.
3. The word “batman” is used to refer to someone’s personal servant – So, Alfred Pennyworth is actually Batman’s batman.
What if Alfred Pennyworth had his own batman? It would be Batman’s batman batman? That’s too wavy for me!
4. Ben Affleck is the only actor to wear both a Batman suit and Superman suit in two different films.
It remains to play them both in one movie…
5. In 1996, both DC and Marvel comics published a crossover series where Batman and Wolverine were made into one character named Dark Claw.
That character looked like this:
6. Tom Hardy (Bane) needed 3 inch heels to be the same height as Christian Bale so he could “look him in the eyes” in Batman.
Actors just do what they should…
7. Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) was in Batman Returns (1992) as Penguin’s Dad.
Which role do you like most?
8. Batman was once the name of a position in the military.
It was a position of an officer’s orderly or servant.
9. Quentin Tarantino doesn’t like Batman, claiming he’s “not a very interesting character”.
According to Quentin the best Batman could be played by Alec Baldwin in the ’80s.
10. There’s a lost film called “Batman fights Dracula”.
And so many Batman fans would love to see it.
11. Batman outsmarts the Riddler so hard he goes insane.
The Riddler made a “perfect trap” for Batman but the superhero managed to escape it. The shock and curiosity affected the mental health of the Riddler so much he was taken to Arkham Asylum.
12. Batman was inspired by da Vinci, movies and masked men.
Wings were taken from Da Vinci’s sketch of a flying device, the suit and the identity were inspired by the movie “Bat whisperers” 1930, the rich alter ego was inspired by the movie “The Mask of Zorro” 1920, the radio show character named the Shadow inspired the cloak of Batman, his dual identity and his sleuthing talent.
13. The secret Batman’s identity is not so secret.
In fact eleven characters know (or have known) that Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person.
14. Batman is perpetually 34 years old.
But he has a well-rounded history including Cambridge and Sorbonne education, FBI experience, martial arts training in Asia, lessons in stealth taken from real ninjas…
15. The Dark Knight is the first Batman film not to incorporate the word “Batman” into its title.
It was successful that Christopher Nolan decided to make another movie about the superhero without the word “Batman” (“The Dark Knight Rises”).
16. Luke Skywalker is the voice of the Joker in Batman: The Animated Series.
The final galaxy’s Jedi warrior comes to the dark side in Batman.
17. Andy Warhol directed the first ever Batman film.
His work, “Batman Dracula” was never officially released though.
18.Gotham is actually in Nottingham.
The visit of the author Washington Irving to England before making the movie was rather inspiring.
19. A version of The Beatles exists in the Batman universe.
While saving the world Batman had some interest for popular culture as well.
20. It was the fans who killed Robin.
In 1988 readers were asked their opinion about the end of Robin’s story, the majority (5343 out of 10000) voted for his death, so he was promptly killed.
First Time Flying
Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?
Passenger: No, I have not.
Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can't get the gum out of my ears.
Source: ajokeaday.com
Passenger: No, I have not.
Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can't get the gum out of my ears.
Source: ajokeaday.com
Toothbrush Salesman
The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes.
He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers.
He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth.
"Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"
Source: ajokeaday.com
He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers.
He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth.
"Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"
Source: ajokeaday.com
The Piano Tuner
The doorbell rang, and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door.
"Lady," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."
The man replied, "I know, but your neighbors did."
Source: ajokeaday.com
"Lady," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."
The man replied, "I know, but your neighbors did."
Source: ajokeaday.com
These 10 Urban Legends From Across The World Will Surely Keep You Awake Tonight
Fear of anything keeps us fast on the draw and vigilant. Remember when you were little, and how you mother used to scare you saying that if you don’t finish the milk, that big dog in the dungeon will come and get you? And then you bottomed up the whole thing at once. Similarly, these urban legends kept people observant for years. Kids didn’t roam in the dark. parents took special care of their children and pets, people checked door’s lock twice before sleeping and everyone was told not to let anyone in without cross checking.
We don’t know if any of these stories are true, but it kept people alert and hopefully will keep you too.
1. Slit Mouthed Woman – Kuchisake-Onna (Japan)
It is said that this young lady named Kuchisake-Onna was a samurai’s wife and she cheated on her husband with a younger and a better-looking man. When her husband discovered her betrayal, he punished her by slitting her mouth from ear to ear.
The myth is that her spirit still wanders as a girl with surgical mask on. She goes and asks people, ‘Am I pretty?’ If they say no, she rips them apart and if they say yes, she removes her mask and asks, ‘How about now?’ If they say no, she cuts them in half and if they say yes, she slits their mouth to make it just like hers. There is no escaping her.
2. Sexually Frustrated Ghosts- Korivi Deyyamu (India)
These are the ghosts of ladies who haven’t had their sexual desires fulfilled. So, they look for men everywhere to satisfy their need. Although, they cannot enter any village which has a temple, so they target the travellers.
This myth is highly popular in South India and the men there are advised not to travel at night. If they do, they should look down and walk silently without any noise in order to not attract the ghost’s attention. If they get a feeling that they are being followed, then they are not suppose to look back and stutter as the spirits can sense the fear. Then they might feel someone holding them and saying ‘Raa’ (come) to which they are suppose to confidently reply ‘repu vasta’ (come tomorrow) and only then can they get out of there safely. If they fail to do any of these things, they will become the ghost’s slaves until their desire is fulfilled.
3. The Greek Soldier (Greece)
It is said that a Greek solider who was returning from World War II to marry her fiancé was tortured and killed by a group of fellow Greeks who had strong and hostile political beliefs. After his murder, there were incidents reported where an extremely good looking Greek solider in uniform used to appear and seduce war widows and virgin girls with the sole reason of impregnating them.
After five weeks of baby being born, the soldier used to disappear leaving behind a letter which said that he had returned from the dead merely to spread his seed, so that his sons might avenge his murder.
4. The Face Scratcher – Muh Nochwa (India)
This phenomena became highly popular in early 2000s especially in the states of Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. The word Muh-Nochwa actually means face scratcher and there were numerous incidents reported where people had their faces scratched out or disfigured. There were even deaths associated to Muh-Nochwa. It was believed that the attacker hurt your face violently and intended to suck your blood dry.
Even after so many instances, no one could trace his physical appearance. Some said he resembled an insect but some associated it to possessed creatures extra terrestrial beings.
5. The Newborn – Tiyanak (Philippines)
This one is a little different from others. The ghost is always in the form of a newborn baby lying alone in the forest crying frantically. If any passer by picked up the baby to look for the mother or guardian, he would be scratched to death and his face will be eaten as the baby grew dagger like claws and teeth. Some say that it is foetus of a boy from a mother who died before giving birth.
The part which amused me was ‘how to escape the baby ghost?’ If you wear your clothes inside-out, the creature will leave you alone and wander back in the forest. These ghosts and their weird tastes!
6. The Toilet Paper Ghost – Aka Manto (Japan)
Japanese school bathrooms are one of the most scary places to be. This ghost called Aka Manto asks you a question when you are in the toilet. ‘Red paper or blue paper?’ If you say red, then your body will be torn apart until your clothes are red. If you say blue, your neck will be strangled until your face turns blue. If you try to outsmart the ghost by saying some other colour, you will be dragged to an unknown place and killed.
The only way to escape is to say ‘no paper’ as it leave you alone then.
7. Come Tomorrow Ghost – Nale Ba (India)
If you visit South India, especially Bangalore, you will see ‘nale ba’ written on many doors. There’s a reason behind that practice. Few places there are suppose to be haunted by a ghost which knocks on doors and kills every member of the family as soon as the door is opened. The only way to escape is write ‘nale ba’ on your door which means ‘Come Tomorrow’.
If due to any reason the message got erased, then you know what will happen.
8. The White Death (Scotland)
This little girl in Scotland hated life and everything about it. So, to put an end to this misery, she killed herself. Coincidently, few days after her death, her entire family died with their limbs torn apart.
After that she roams around knocking on doors and kills the person who opens it. Her main aim is to keep her identity safe, so she kills everyone who gets to know about her. Guess what? You know about her now. Don’t open the door tonight!
9. The Black Eyed Kids (USA)
These two kids basically try to get inside your house by talking you into it. So they will either say that they are lost and they want to call their parents or they want to use the rest room (basically things you cannot say no to). The younger kid will always keep his head down since that kid had no eyeballs and his eye sockets are blank and black. Once they enter the house, they obviously kill the owner.
The trick is to keep them out and not let them enter. They do not force if the owner is unwilling. Several incidents in USA have been reported where two creepy kids pester the owner to get inside the house.
10. Okiku Doll (Japan)
This mysterious doll placed at Mannenji Temple in Japan is possessed by a spirit of a child. According to the temple, the doll had short cropped hair initially but it grew about 25 cm long down to the doll’s knees. Even though the hair is trimmed occasionally, it keeps growing back.
It is said that the girl for whom the doll was purchased died to to sudden cold and her restless spirit took refuge in the doll.
I have done my work. Have a good night sleep. Don’t forget to look under the bed!
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